I owe you all an update.

Hi everyone.

Like Usain Bolt said, "If you have no motivation, whats the point?" If you have no motivation, you're not going to put in all your effort, so it's not going to be your best work. What is the point?

It really, really sucks to say I reached this point awhile ago with sims. Actually, probably close to six months ago. I don't feel challenged - it's not new and exciting for me. My sims game is very glitchy and spazzy and is very temperamental, so most times it won't even open up. I dunno - I got crap loads of CC, so it's probably shitting itself.

Anyway, its got to the point where even the patience-testing task of opening sims has become a chore and I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to even take images, let alone edit them. I'm a very competitive person, so what used to be my motivation was get to the top. And, I know, that sounds so egotistical and stupid and horrible, but that is my motivation. And, I know for a fact I never got to the top with this - I never did anything particular spectacular or did something influential in the sim community - heck, even my edits were pretty shabby compared to the top, top equestrian simmers. But something in me just told me to keep going, something stupid like, "You're almost there! Just keep pushing!". Which, in all honesty, is delirious because I was never "almost there".

Omg I do sound completely egotistical. "C'mon, Rosa! Slaughter everyone in your path! It's the top or nothing!"

So, to sum up that depressing paragraph, my ego was just like, "Meh. You're fine." and my brain was like, "Ya know wat, I agree fam." and then the rest of me was like, "Ok. Whtever. NEXT."

And, here is my next reason. And this is very common over the simmer community.

Sims.

Isn't.

Permanent.

Sims is just a temporary stepping stone in my life, and trust me - I'm moving on from that stepping stone. Heck, I've been doing this shit since I was nine. And, I've barely even started college (High-School for you Americans out there), and already I've just had enough. It became repetitive and boring and... well, homework and other school stuff started catching up and I'm becoming quite serious with horses in real life and am beginning to plan out life choices so I can keep my passions for horses running and continuing show jumping, and I just don't need sims. Sims doesn't slot in, and as I look at my future I don't actually want it in there.

When I was younger, sims was a source of entertainment. Now, it's a chore. And, I did gain some traction whilst in the equine simmer community, which comes with responsibility... which brings me onto my next reason.

I felt like I was drowning.

You have horses (which you purchased from other people), sales and foals and for some reason I felt this stupid responsibility to create all this custom content, which I don't need to but wanted to for some self-pressured reason. A stupid self-pressured reason of needing to be the best.

And, sure, the whole updating on horses, sales and foals and what not is normal. It's barely even stressful, and everyone can cope, I think. Shit, I don't even usually respond to stress. I like to think I'm a pretty cool cucumber. When it comes to riding.

But I have this self-pressured need to be the best at everything - whether it be school or riding or sims. But sims was always... the worst.

See, what's different and what makes me so much more stressed about sims is the Custom Facilities section I opened.

That, without a doubt, was a massive mistake.

Don't get me wrong, without a doubt at first I loved it. And it gained me some recognition too and I became so overwhelmed with excitement by big names commissioning my custom facilities. Well, in my eyes they're big names. ;)

And I SERIOUSLY thank you guys for that support. No sarcasm - I promise I'm being legit. That put me on a massive high and got me out of some dark times - just that feeling that people... wanted me to make something for them. To make something. Yeah. I'm very artistic, I think, so to make something, for someone else, is my dream.

And then it just all became too much.

I hate myself for it - I can't say no. I can't say, "Sorry, no, it's just too much." Creating facilities is a huge job in my opinion, especially when you're competitive as I am and it has to be the best thing you've ever created. Each. Time. And I just accepted so many commissions that I literally could not take it. I became a lot more reactive at home and... I think I actually veered towards being depressed at one stage. I don't know, I've never felt the need for getting myself checked out - it's really dumb. Haha sorry lol #depressingstoryYEeSHH

And THEN there's the added pressure of my real life of school and horses.

It really just sucked.

Overall, I'm so grateful for all that I've learnt, for the friends I've gained and the experiences I've had. I know that, sometimes, there was alot of fighting in the equine simmer community and it got into a negative place - but I personally never really got engaged in that. I had such a wonderful time in the simmer community and I loved it - I really did. The only reason for me leaving is myself, and that reason only. NO ONE should blame themselves for anything if you feel like it involved you, because it seriously didn't xD. It's just me and my retard ways.

I'd just like to thank Cleo Swift for helping me into the Sims community when I was a complete noob and being such a kind inspiration, along with Annie Stokes for being such an unstoppable LEGEND of an inspiration. I'd like to thank Moez Joesph who has always looked out for me and I seriously cherish our friendship <3 There's other people I haven't mentioned, but every single person I've even crossed paths with has been such a kind person to me and I'll miss you all loads. You're all so talented - keep going until you've had enough for good because what you're all doing is INCREDIBLE!

I might never be back. I don't know. If I do it might be with a new Sim stable. A fresh start. This feels good to me. A fresh start. Yeah. I like the sound of that. Writing this is a way of letting go, I think, because I still feel really guilty to everyone who I've kind of left hanging!! Sorry 'bout that heh.

You probably won't see me back in the sim world. But I hope you all carry on loving what your doing. Don't pressure yourselves. Just take your time. Tick along. You don't need to be the best.

Just do what makes you proud.

//Rosa Laqrosta